> That’s normal and natural and the parents move onto a new phase too.

Is it really ? I would say the "natural" way of things is older generation gets supported by children and they help take care of grandchildren while their children are working. The whole late retirement/both parents working situation we have these days is reliably leading to a population collapse.

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paulryanrogers an hour ago | parent | next [-]

> the "natural" way of things is older generation gets supported by children and they help take care of grandchildre

It's an ideal. Structuring society to require it falls down often because:

- people have kids later, making them too old to help

- disease and addiction can make grandparents unfit

- young families often must move to where work is, even if far away

- deeply in debted grandparents may be unable to afford to help

- grandparent's own care needs compete with those of their grandchildren, i.e. sandwich situations

- cultural expectations unfairly burden some over others, usually women

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antonymoose 2 hours ago | parent | prev [-]

Really couldn’t have put it better. When I was a child my grandmother retired and relocated 800 miles to help with my mother with childcare. Why? Because it’s why you do. It’s what all of her family did as far back as anyone could care to remember.

This world where your boomer parents retire to a beach house to drink margaritas, smoke designer weed, and play pickleball and ignore their offspring is the real aberration here.

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watwut an hour ago | parent [-]

It used to be that YOU help elderly parents. And they they are the patriarch ruling familly and his wife at that time. When the grandma did that help with children, it was at her terms - she was the decision maker to large extend.

That arrangement is not working from both sides. Younger generation wants autonomy and expects parents to not try to run things, not to demand more contact then they want etc.

Which makes sense. But you cant have it both ways - both autonomy/independence and service.

Younger generstion has their period of low responsibilities - before they create familly. It is shifted to later years tgen it used to ... but it is weird to then get jealous over their parents having some free time after work.

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mitkebes 5 minutes ago | parent | next [-]

People also used to marry younger and have children sooner. When people were getting married and starting to have kids in their teenage years, it meant that new grandparents would only be in their mid-30s or so. That put them in a much better spot to assist with the grandchildren.

Now many people I know are waiting until their 30s to have children, meaning that the grandparents are already 50-60s.

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antonymoose an hour ago | parent | prev | next [-]

It used to be a two way street, actually. The broader family was just that, a unit.

Now it’s little independent atomic cells doing whatever with little to no regard for the bigger picture.

Ultimatel, it’s the Boomer me generation that broke this tradition. It’s not weird for a millennial to look back and say “How nice of them to have their cake and eat it too” as I raise children alone and deal with the dilemma of how to treat their greed and selfishness as they age and demand of us while contributing little.

	▲	wisty 40 minutes ago \| parent [-]
		Millenials are the "stereotypical manchild who hates his parents because he's too much like them" generation. (I'm a millenial too)

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carlosjobim 24 minutes ago | parent | prev [-]

That's not how it was. When the patriarch became too old, he'd give the farm and the "crown" to the eldest son - who would have more physical and mental strength than him.

Thirty or forty year olds in the past wouldn't take any orders from their fathers or mothers. Of course they would help them, as they are family. But the elderly would absolutely have to step aside, and those who were in their prime would call the shots.

	▲	lotsofpulp 11 minutes ago \| parent [-]
		Daughter in laws butting heads with mother in laws (and father in laws) is a story portrayed in many cultures’ popular tv shows/movies. As are parents who own everything on paper, making them the ones with actual power, butting heads with their children. It is only in the previous 100 years where young people all over the world have the power to support themselves without anyone else’s help, which is why the preference for independence was revealed.