When my wife and I first started dating, we went to one of those cheap second-run theaters.

I liked that theater because it was super cheap (like seriously $1.50 for a ticket because it showed out of date movies). One time when she and I were watching The Purge, I hear this kind of squishy noise from right behind me.

I turn around, and a guy is getting a handjob. I motion to my wife that we need to move a few seats over.

You know, The Purge isn't the worst movie ever but I gotta admit that it's not a movie that ever really turned me on either. To each their own, I suppose.

From that point forward we always called that the Handjob Theater.

>I turn around, and a guy is getting a handjob. I motion to my wife that we need to move a few seats over.

To get a better view, right?

You don’t happen to live in exurban Denver do you?