This is a comforting fiction. I've seen it go both ways where children with freedom develop pornography or drug habits and sheltered kids turn out well-adjusted and regulated.

▲

Aachen 9 hours ago | parent | next [-]

I thought it was a typo but I see you've replied elsewhere that these really are the two options

> I've seen it go both ways where children with freedom [turn bad] and sheltered kids turn [good]

So you've seen it one way, as in, each approach leading to one specific outcome? "Both ways" would be sheltered leading to different outcomes in different cases, or unsheltered leading to different outcomes in different cases

I don't feel like I've been sheltered. My parents literally proposed that I drink some alcohol and encouraged that I go out partying at some point. Both things still don't interest me. (At least they didn't tell me to smoke, lol. But alcohol seems to be considered normal and potentially even healthy in small doses so they thought I should try it.) Online, I later learned that their opinion was that I'll just not look up things which I don't want to see, and in my case that has been true. I'm sorry to tell you I never had a porn addiction

Someone else pointed out that such anecdotes are survivorship bias: you might not see the people that didn't turn out alright. In my case that's certainly true, I'm not sure that I know anyone who didn't turn out okay. We take different paths through life but if you can provide for yourself and dependents, and are happy most of the time, I'd count that as success (also dependent on age: I'm not counting that my 90yo grandpa is currently often unhappy due to bad health)

▲

HighGoldstein 13 hours ago | parent | prev | next [-]

Freedom without supervision vs supervision without freedom, both failures of parenting.

▲

2OEH8eoCRo0 12 hours ago | parent [-]

How is the supervision without freedom a parenting failure if they've turned out great in every regard?

▲

Aachen 9 hours ago | parent | next [-]

A failure of management can still lead to a successful business for a variety of reasons, ranging from an in-demand product and lucky timing to great employees. Bad parenting with a great child or a great school might, too, lead to positive outcomes

I'd call an approach suboptimal or bad depending on how likely it is to lead to bad outcomes, given what the parents know about the child at the time of course (sheltering or other special approaches may be needed in some cases, depending on behavior or health circumstances). It doesn't have to turn out bad in every single case, or even a majority, there just has to be consensus about the evidence and the parents must have been able to know of it. It would have to be really bad (like complete neglect) before I'd call it a failure though

▲

array_key_first 9 hours ago | parent | prev | next [-]

Because they don't. In order to do anything successfully you need practice. You're just depriving the kid of practicing the single most important skill - autonomy.

	▲	8 hours ago \| parent [-]
		[deleted]

▲

al_borland 12 hours ago | parent | prev | next [-]

That’s usually coupled with a lot of anxiety. Some level anxiety could be useful, as it can make a person look responsible. This can come at a heavy cost though, which they may not let others see, and might not even realize themselves until later in life.

▲

eikenberry 7 hours ago | parent | prev [-]

Supervision is only one of many factors that impact a child's development. Good genes alone can make up for a lot of crappy parenting.

▲

thunderfork 10 hours ago | parent | prev [-]

"pornography habits"

Putting onanism in the same sentence as drug abuse really weakens your argument.

	▲	2OEH8eoCRo0 10 hours ago \| parent [-]
		Onanism != pornography habit