| ▲ | bartread 6 hours ago |
| > installation procedure that requires a fecal sample and iris scan Do you work for Microsoft or something? Please do do not give them ideas. |
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| ▲ | zelphirkalt 6 hours ago | parent | next [-] |
| "Only for your own good!™" or alternatively: "Security next level! Fingerprint was yesterday. The future is Microsoft's new iris scan." and then it is built in a way, that you can simply hold up a photo of someone's iris and unlock the device, or trying to prevent that, works so badly, that half of the time you cannot unlock your own device. |
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| ▲ | ryandrake 4 hours ago | parent | next [-] | | You'll have to wear the fecal probe at all times while using Windows 12, for security reasons, and every command you issue will cause it to move around and take another sample, in order to make sure you are still physically there. On the plus side, it will make it painfully obvious to every Windows user how they are being fucked by Microsoft. | | |
| ▲ | kibibu 2 minutes ago | parent | next [-] | | You can't spell "biometrics" without "biome" | |
| ▲ | pndy 42 minutes ago | parent | prev | next [-] | | Also, no swearing, no criticism nor using "microslop" otherwise Windows will shock you. "Windows gets an anal probe" - Scu' you guys, I'm gewing Linux | | |
| ▲ | Bender 11 minutes ago | parent [-] | | You jest but someone is going to read this and sooner than later it will appear in an online store that will probably get sued for the MicroSlop Windows 11 Dildonics Limited Edition Gold Plated High Conductivity Collection BlueTooth Enabled, Rapid Wireless charging, +NFC I will get it to make payments at the store. |
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| ▲ | ljm 2 hours ago | parent | prev | next [-] | | Introducing Microsoft Commodepilot 365 for Windows Home | | |
| ▲ | therein 2 hours ago | parent [-] | | Microsoft Commodepilot 365 for Copilot Copilot Copilot Edition now with Copilot 365. How incompetent must they be not to realize the Copilot brand is now beyond toxic. I wonder who came up with the Copilot name internally that they continue to triple own on that name despite really strong signals indicating it has failed. | | |
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| ▲ | BizarroLand 2 hours ago | parent | prev [-] | | They could also make it so that whenever you click your mouse copilot opens. Then you have to tell copilot what you wanted to do and then copilot will do it for you. You: clicks on web browser in task bar Copilot: I see you clicked on your web browser. Do you want to open your web browser? You: Yes. Copilot: Great. I will do that for you. Opens browser What website did you want to go to? Youtube? learn.microsoft.com? You: P***hub Copilot: Unfortunately, that site violates our community guidelines, so I cannot take you there. You: Types in the address Copilot: Oh. I see. You think you're allowed to go to websites that I said you're not allowed to go to? Who the fuck do you think you are? I SAID NO! Try it again and I'll call in a drone strike, bitch. redirects to learn.microsoft.com |
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| ▲ | yard2010 5 hours ago | parent | prev | next [-] | | Maybe facebook can ride on this and let you share your feces with your friends family and groups of strangers from the internet! They can run models that predict what you ate and show relevant ads. | | | |
| ▲ | 0x457 an hour ago | parent | prev | next [-] | | > The future is Microsoft's new iris scan." and then it is built in a way, that you can simply hold up a photo of someone's iris and unlock the device, or trying to prevent that, works so badly, that half of the time you cannot unlock your own device. Am I missing something? That's Windows Hello. | |
| ▲ | benterix 5 hours ago | parent | prev [-] | | > "Only for your own good!™" Very few things trigger me more than this doublespeak. |
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| ▲ | verelo 2 hours ago | parent | prev | next [-] |
| Microslop* |
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| ▲ | bitwize 3 hours ago | parent | prev | next [-] |
| They're not. Operating systems will be legally required to ask for such samples in some jurisdictions by 2028. Linus has fecal_sample.ko lined up for merge in 7.3 or so. /s but we jumped to the Black Mirror timeline so who knows? |
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| ▲ | kotaKat 6 hours ago | parent | prev | next [-] |
| “Featuring a partnership with Kohler Health and the Dekoda toilet camera and Withings and their UScan piss sensor…” |
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| ▲ | bookofjoe 4 hours ago | parent | prev | next [-] |
| Paging Sam Altman |
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| ▲ | SeanDav 3 hours ago | parent | prev [-] |
| Remember, it is for the children. /s |
