I love this. I know I struggle with "I don't want to bother this person".

How do you deal with that?

For me that clicked we are all just kids. Your parents are struggling with some problems in everyday life as you are. Your teachers sometimes might say they don't know the answer to your question in their field which is alright. (Parents and teachers are two figures who we look up to.) My point is that if you're thinking, "they have much more experience and I don't, so no need to bother them.." you're wrong. Basically, they could have more things, but about same lot of problems in the life as you. After that, just start asking simple questions.

> "I don't want to bother this person".

> How do you deal with that?

You teach yourself to say no, to the things you don't want to do.

I considered leaving just that pithy reply, because that's really it. But some of the extra context; It's not a bother to ask someone to hold the door they're already going through because your hands are full. Starting a conversation is about as intrusive as that. The vast majority of people don't mind making some small talk, and ontop of that, the majority can make an excuse if they don't have time. You only assume they can't politely decline, because you can't. Once you learn to say no thanks, politely, but explicitly and directly. You'll actually understand and expect others to return the favor.

That's a much more fair way to interact with people too.

As the article says, you just take the risk. Maybe you will bother the person. It’s okay, you’ll be able to quickly tell if you do, and you just gracefully back away and go on with your day. It’ll probably happen much less than you think.

Would you be bothered if a stranger struck up a nice conversation with you? Most people like it! And even if they don’t, that’s ok, trust people to tell you their boundaries and respect them when they do. Nothing wrong with bothering someone if they tell you or send a strong signal and you respect it.

You virtually never bother them - worst case they’ll turn you down.

On the contrary, they’re usually very happy to tell you about what they do.

Learn the social cues. People won’t say when they are busy. They might not ask you questions back, or keep doing what they do.

I usually just start with a small harmless joke about the current situation we're both in. People either don't respond to it, and I leave them alone, or they engage and a conversation commences.

I got a puppy. Then everyone wanted to talk to my puppy.

I think that it comes down to that people often like to talk about their interests but worry that the recipient may not be. So we end up with two people who want to talk but worried about the others feelings.

Do you get bothered when someone talks to you in a nice fashion?

If they seem uninterested in talking, tell them to have a nice day, then carry on with yours.

Just practice. You will inevitably run into ppl that don’t want to talk. Don’t take it personally, don’t push it and try again

My grandpa had a gift for people - the man could start a conversation with anyone, form fast friends and remember their spouse’s middle name in twenty years.

As he put it, it’s a coin toss. Maybe you’re bothering them or maybe they’re grateful to have someone to distract them. Each is equally true before you start the conversation.

The key is being able to read social cues. If you can, you can stop bothering them.

You're not afraid of bothering them, you're afraid of rejection. But so what if they do? The fear isn't rational, so choose to overcome it.