75% of divorces are initiated by women in the US. If college educated that number jumps to 90%. Divorce as an mechanism, is almost entirely used by women.

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CalRobert 5 hours ago | parent | next [-]

The question, of course, is whether that means women want divorce more, or men fear divorce more.

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kakacik 2 hours ago | parent | next [-]

Women absolutely want the divorce more once they come to conclusion some aspect of relationship is over (typically the emotion part but simply spending less time together or feeling most of the burden of raising kids is enough).

Most guys can suck up now-loveless marriage trivially if kids are fine (after kids come, this is pretty standard path for marriages), heck we can still enjoy sex greatly in such situation. Most women, not so much. I know it sounds sexist, trust me I would be very happy if this wasnt true but when I look/ask/listen around it is.

As an cca older guy at certain age the patterns start emerging left and right, and my own marriage can see some of it, just like most other marriages around us.

Some make it, some don't. When it fails its mostly mixture of personality resilience of both sides rather than some objective measure of (lack of) quality of relationship. Its easy to judge but please be kind to those who are going/went through, they may have been a better partner than ie you and still it wasnt enough to sustain it.

	▲	CalRobert an hour ago \| parent [-]
		They’re often sexless though. Also it’s often fear of stepdads. My mom dumped my dad so she could date a string of abusive assholes. It would give me pause before leaving a marriage that wasn’t utter misery.

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dyauspitr 2 hours ago | parent | prev [-]

Anecdotally, men are a lot more content with marriage. Women want a lot more. The whole “healthy relationship” ecosystem in contemporary times is almost entirely women driven.

	▲	mikepurvis 2 hours ago \| parent [-]
		A lot more men than women are able to be content with the comfortable mediocrity that is bringing in the paycheque, doing the chores, getting laid once or twice a month, but otherwise not really feeling much passion or enthusiasm or joy with their partner. It's not the life you hope for, but there's a lot of social messaging that that's just the way it is, it's what you signed up for, you would be selfish to leave, the grass won't be greener, and also it's probably your fault anyway for not being a better husband. The messaging to women in romcoms and the like is much more toward you deserve better, be brave, junk the loser, go get the life you want. As a guy who was in a mediocre marriage like this for many years, I basically got my emotional needs met elsewhere: through work, family, friends, time and activities with my kids, etc.

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russdill 5 hours ago | parent | prev | next [-]

The divorce mechanism is the legal end of the partnership. It's not an indication of who initiated the termination of the partnership itself.

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giantg2 4 hours ago | parent [-]

Do you have evidence to back up the implict claim that those two are not strongly correlated?

	▲	mikepurvis 2 hours ago \| parent \| next [-]
		Of course they're correlated but it's obvious to anyone who has had a long term relationship unravel that the causes are always complicated and multi-layered. I (man) was the one who pulled the trigger on my divorce but that followed years of conflict and withdrawing from both sides and ultimately you can point to specific milestones (who killed the bedroom, who opened a separate bank account first, who stepped out first, who wouldn't come back to counselling) but it's actually better for healing not to be preoccupied with the blame game and instead focus on where one's own growth opportunities are.
	▲	2 hours ago \| parent \| prev [-]
		[deleted]

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voakbasda 4 hours ago | parent | prev [-]

This does not surprise me, as the courts are flagrantly biased toward women in these matters. Almost without exception, they come out ahead in every measurable metric.

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giantg2 4 hours ago | parent | next [-]

"as the courts are flagrantly biased toward women in these matters"

As in most matters. There are many studies about lesser sentences for women vs men who commit the same crimes.

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bombcar 3 hours ago | parent | prev [-]

This is not always exactly true if you dig into the details - for example, something like 20% of fathers get custody - but it's something like 90% of fathers who try to get custody get some.

	▲	bluGill 3 hours ago \| parent \| next [-]
		How many don't even try though because them assume it is hopeless. Some custody includes things like 1 weekend a month - if that is all you get it wasn't really worth the bother.
	▲	CalRobert an hour ago \| parent \| prev [-]
		“Some”? Anything less than fifty percent is state sponsored kidnapping.