That's not the human norm though. Doubt an average human way of existing is literal torture for some obscure number of people. I think you're missing the forest for the threes with that BDSM example. You can always find isolated examples as counter-argument for basically anything, but in reality that's an obscure number.

Due to the complexity of our reality a lot of things find themselves on a spectrum, but in numbers things are pretty clear.

Nothing is clear with humanity. The very first thing we do as a species is dehumanize anyone we disagree with.