Is LTSC still impossible to get as someone who doesn't want to run cracked software or "license unlockers" on the same machine they do their banking on? I never found a way of buying it that didn't involve having to survive an interrogation by a sales team.

You can get LTSC. It's a bit of a quest, but it's possible.

You need to buy 5 regular Windows licenses and then you'll be able to unlock the LTSC option. It works out to about $300.

It is unfortunately. I have access to a MSDN Subscription (or VS Essentials or whatever it's called nowadays) that comes with some "test" licenses.

Let's just say I haven't concluded my testing yet, it's ongoing :)