What’s the solution then? This is one of those emotional-labor questions.

Who is responsible for new contributors having a good experience? Especially thousands of eager, misinformed contributors?

It’s a DDOS that exhausts and burns out the maintainer even while the supply of newbie contributors is rarely meaningfully impacted by maintainer conduct.

The world has givers and takers, and we are all both at different times. The newbie thinks they are a giver, but mostly they are a taker.

I've also seen maintainers complain about "drive by contributors" where one complaint is that the submitter has provided a good patch/PR, but doesn't stick around to support it.

From the submitters point of view, why /would/ you stick around if your first (and only) interaction with the project is less than "ideal"

FTR I absolutely understand the "burnout" maintainers experience dealing with contributors that drain energy as well.