There’s one specific thing driving me insane: it corrects “we’re” to “were” and “we’ll” to “well” EVERY TIME. It even did it while writing this comment. If I go into the symbols menu and find an apostrophe and type it in IT MEANS I MEANT TO PUT IT THERE

It does EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE for me. It autocorrects to "and" to "and's" very single time, for example.