very stupid question: similar to how we had a GIL replacement in python, cant we replace postmaster with something better?

Specifically on the cost of forking a process for each connection (vs using threads), there are active efforts to make Postgres multi-threaded.

Since Postgres is a mature project, this is a non-trivial effort. See the Postgres wiki for some context: https://wiki.postgresql.org/wiki/Multithreading

But, I'm hopeful that in 2-3 years from now, we'll see this bear fruition. The recent asynchronous read I/O improvements in Postgres 18 show that Postgres can evolve, one just needs to be patient, potentially help contribute, and find workarounds (connection pooling, in this case).