I just put out a short preprint where I try a very different “minimal model” for the free neutron lifetime — not by plugging weak couplings! but by treating decay as a rare unlocking event in a geometric/statistical picture (a 3-loop proton junction + 1-loop lepton lock).

It lands at 877.83 s, close to the best bottle results, and i also discuss why beam/proton-counting can end up higher.

I’m not claiming this replaces the Standard Model — more like a checkable hypothesis about where these timescales might emerge from.

preprint: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/400280164_A_Two-Bod...