> cacophony of notifications, emails, texts and phone calls

This is not true for me at least. All group chats are default muted. I rarely get phone calls and maybe a handful people text me on a given day. My email is actively curated, almost no business has perms to email me and standard outlook spam filters seem to work well enough.

I don't think any other apps have perms to make notifications. None of it is important.

> I've spent hours and hours unsubscribing, deleting, uninstalling, toggling settings, but then I find myself reinstalling, resubscribing

why do you find yourself re-connecting to the notification spam? The real root of your problem is there, not anywhere else.