ISO9000 is, bar none, the most brilliant grift I have ever encountered. It's so simple, yet so elegant.

Step 1: Come up with an incredibly easy to meet standard (because you don't want anybody abandoning the process because it's too much of a hassle) that sounds like a reasonable requirement on paper (to make it easy to pitch as a basic requirement of doing business). Say, "Have a plan for the things you do".

Step 2: Add one additional requirement to your standard: "Prioritize Vendors that meet this standard".

Step 3: Obscure the hell out of the standard, (to not make the grift too obvious) and stick it behind a paywall.

Step 4: Franchise out the (nigh-impossible to fail) "approval" process to 3rd parties, who pay you for the privilege.

Step 5: Your first few "standardized" companies put pressure on their vendors and customers to get certified, so they hire consultants, who in turn pay you, who tell them "Good job, you meet the standard. But do your vendors?".

Step 6: Watch as the cash floods in.

(Optional, Step 7): Once a bunch of major companies are certified, target governments to do your marketing push for you.

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hluska 3 hours ago | parent | next [-]

I’m reading the original tender and there is zero mention of ISO 9000. In fact, the tendering authority even specifically stated this opportunity was a good fit for SMEs.

Where does all this talk of standards come from?

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Aeolun 2 hours ago | parent [-]

If this was a good fit for SME, and the price paid for the whole thing was 4M pounds, why didn’t any SME win the tender? Seriously, that’s the whole yearly turnover for most SME shops I ever worked at. And all of them could do a better job than this.

	▲	hkt 40 minutes ago \| parent [-]
		That's possibly why: small businesses reliant on contracts that are, to them, disproportionately huge.. well, they die at the end of the contract. HMRC killed off an OpenStack based AWS competitor by replacing them, about ten years ago. Anchor clients can be a real hazard if an SME can't live without them. Sometimes it just isn't worth it.

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gerdesj 4 hours ago | parent | prev [-]

Please show me on the doll where ISO 9000 hurt you!

I have been an MD for 25 years. ISO 9001 reg. since 2006. Its been a bit of a pain at times but it does concentrate the mind towards doing things right. We've never used consultants, we've always just read and followed the standards.

What is your experience?

PS During our last assessment, the assessor described a few recent AI written efforts they had come across. Laughable.

PPS I've been doing this for over 25 years and I think that a quality based approach to running a company is a good idea ... you?

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Supermancho 2 hours ago | parent [-]

My father was a ISO9000 and ISO9001 certification consultant for over 10 years. He taught at Cal Poly Pamona, near the end of that era. This was my first exposure to using the familiar terms seen in RFCs like MUST MAY SHALL, etc.

Ever tried to write a quality based document describing how to create an air filled, japanese oragami balloon? (step 3 is the first big hurdle, https://www.wikihow.com/Make-an-Origami-Balloon). That was his goto starter for ISO classes.

> I've been doing this for over 25 years and I think that a quality based approach to running a company is a good idea ... you?

ISO standards don't ensure this, since certification is only based on verifying documentation format. What the ISO processes do tend to do is create a small memo indicating that every dept should justify the work they are doing by writing it down and showing it to their boss. What that does to an organization is to produce a crapload of near-useless documentation and throw a large number of people into political hell. After that, the solution is always the same. They quickly move from everyone trying to coordinate down to a very small number of people (1-3) taking charge of moving dept to dept. Either the agents or the supervisors who are articulate enough to gloss over inconsistencies and gaps to form a coherent story, write the documentation.

While this may lend well to shoring up some companies' internals, in the early 2000s, ISO certification consultancy was a lucrative gig. It was chased as a stamp to markup pricing, rather than a quality tool.

	▲	tverbeure an hour ago \| parent [-]
		I remember the backdated document signing parties at my previous company, the day before an ISO audit. So much fun!