> I tend to need to solve All The Problems before I can do any self-care

I can so relate. I once read something that shifted my perspective a bit and helped me start the work of learning to better care for myself.

It was basically somebody talking/writing about the safety instructions when taking a flight. They tell you that in case of an emergency, when the o2 masks drop down to first put your ownmas on, before helping others. Because you are no help, if you loose conciousness.

This image/metaphor , to first put my own mask on, so that I can ensure, I will be able to help others without falling over, was what helped me start this process.

I sadly can't remember if it was Brené Brown or where I originally read that.

It's a great analogy. I first came across it in Gerald Weinberg's 'More Secrets of Consulting: The Consultant's Tool Kit', where he spends some time talking about burnout, what it means, and how to get out when you find your way in.

One pattern I’ve noticed, however, is that if you’re really good at doing this - and the situations being created are artificial - you might run into a situation where someone cuts or poisons your oxygen mask first.

I would have said ‘no way is someone that evil’, but uh…. Ask most men in their 40’s or 50’s.