You don't use an IM service, because a subset of its users are "wackos"? I've used Telegram for many years now, and aside from the occasional "hot singles in your area" type spam, I've never been bothered by anyone.

Well, the subset feels like the majority. Which does not mean that they are socially a majority, just on those platforms. Telegram and X has been taken over by them, IN GERMANY. I don't know how it is in other countries, maybe it's more civilized there.

The actual reason why I use an IM is the HOA, as I said. Else I do not have and do not need an IM, except for my ejabberd server + Conversations clients so that devices can send me status updates, like "backup completed successfully".

Same here. Telegram does not suggest contacts, groups or anything else to you. If you see wackos it's because you have them in your contact list.

It's the only IM I have used that works most of the time, is not Google or Meta, is free and is easy enough to get working for normies.

I'd use IRC, XMPP or Matrix but then I cannot contact the non-tech friends I want to chat with from time to time.