My partner and I were discussing our need for “third spaces” this week. We’re homebodies, and enjoy being home. However mundanity of wake, work, hobbies, sleep in the same place every day is getting to us.

It’ll be a slightly different approach to the other though. For me, I want to start playing some tabletop games (war games and/or RPGs) at my Friendly Local Game Shop. I think these types of interactions are important for community.

▲

alexfoo 3 hours ago | parent | next [-]

My wife and I go to co-working spaces a couple of times a week (on separate days and different co-working spaces), despite both working fully remotely. This is our solution for a "third space".

This gets us out of the house, gives us some time away from each other and kids, and gives us some interaction with some other people (who work for completely different companies) but are kind of like colleagues in terms of gentle office banter, water-cooler chats, etc.

I know loads of them by name, who they work for, what they do and there are occasional bonus interesting chats where some aspect of our two industries/jobs overlap slightly. There's one person who is just starting out doing something similar to a niche job I did 15 years ago, so it's great to speak to him and act as a kind of mentor.

Fully remote work is great, and I could be a happy recluse, but I'm all for more in-person interaction during the working day. Next job I think I'll go back to hybrid with 1-3 days in an office if possible.

▲

ToucanLoucan 3 hours ago | parent | prev [-]

I have a couple of really, really good friends who are deep in this hole, one struggling with burnout, one with regular depression (though they’re both depressed, you get how this works) and it’s so hard to watch, because I invite them to things, I encourage them constantly, I try and get them out and moving because, and admittedly this is an uninformed opinion: I believe their homebodied lifestyle is destroying them in the exact way this comment describes.

It kills me. They are so addicted to their comforts, to their security, to their home. And I get why, they have had a tremendously bad couple of years… but I just see the repeated behaviors reinforcing the issue. I get told over and over “we just need a few months where nothing bad happens” but like… dude. That’s not coming. The bad shit always happens, it’s going to continue until you die. The only way to make that worse is to self isolate and make yourself miserable constantly between those bad things.

If anyone has advice, I would super appreciate it. I’m so worried for them.

▲

lr4444lr 3 hours ago | parent | next [-]

Find something you need their help with that forces them out of the house. Depressed people often lack purpose.

▲

Panoramix 3 hours ago | parent | prev | next [-]

Keep up at it. Without pressuring, or without making it the elephant in the room uncomfortable topic that makes them avoid you. One day you will catch them in a good day.

▲

squigz 3 hours ago | parent | prev [-]

From someone who is and has been in that hole for longer than I'd care to admit, my only advice is: try to be continue to be patient, and continue to gently encourage them, without making them feel bad. We all know the logic in what you're saying. Actually following that is the difficult part. And watching your loved ones become more impatient makes it hurt even more.

Of course, I know that from your perspective, it can be frustrating and painful, and that nobody can be expected to remain infinitely patient. I don't blame people for eventually throwing in the towel...

	▲	ToucanLoucan 3 hours ago \| parent [-]
		Oh to be clear, I'm not frustrated by it, not a bit. I just hate watching it you know? You care about people, you want them to live good lives. No frustration, it just sucks to see people you love pining for a stability you fundamentally believe doesn't exist, and refusing to live until it does.