Embed the bitstream into your MCU firmware binary, bitbang the 50-100KB bitstream into SRAM via JTAG from your MCU in all of 10ms. This is <100 lines of Rust.

Yes, it's solvable. But my whole argument is that the entire experience is death by a thousand cuts. I'm not seeing how "it's possible in 100 lines of Rust" (a language most people don't even use for embedded work) is really countering my argument.