Soon the only way to assure your readers that your writing is human is by calling them a motherfucker in the opening sentence.

But then, you'd only be sure that the first sentence was legitimate and not the rest of the article. That is why I constantly reassure my readers that they're some goddamn motherfuckers throughout my writing. And you, too, are one, my friend.

We’ve got a bonified human right here motherfuckers