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wisty 2 days ago

> A couple of quick suggestions later, and she went to being mad at me about not having heard the problem through before trying to fix it badly

Sounds like you're not the only one at fault lol.

Do you get mad at your wife if she offers suggestions before emotionally connecting? And would it still be too late even if she realises how "stupid she was"?

malnourish 2 days ago | parent | next [-]

Yes; well, I might not get "mad" at my wife, but I might emotionally disengage or feel like I lack closure were I to explain a situation to my wife and she responded with solutions before I even had the chance to finish.

It took me a long time to realize this. Actually, I've just now realized it clearly. Our emotional expression and the scenario may be a bit different, but it's fundamentally the same concept.

magarnicle a day ago | parent | prev | next [-]

Part of the reason offering suggestions is 'wrong' is because it implies that they haven't tried to think of solutions to their problem. You are unwittingly implying that you are smarter than they are, even if that is not your intention.

tbossanova a day ago | parent | next [-]

Yeah. Step 1 is basically to say “damn, that sucks … what do you think you might do?” (or other clarifying questions).

wisty a day ago | parent | prev [-]

If feel like only someone who is kind of dumb or insecure would think that ...

Smart people will even talk to a rubber duck to solve problems, because sometimes there's something obvious you missed.

IAmBroom 16 hours ago | parent [-]

You just labeled a large portion of humanity "dumb or insecure". Yay you.

wisty 13 hours ago | parent [-]

Am I wrong? (Apparently hn eats unicode emoji ao I can't do the bowling ball and pins wmoji :( )

seizethecheese a day ago | parent | prev | next [-]

What’s the point of this? One only can control one’s self. Who cares if the other person was in the wrong too.

wisty a day ago | parent [-]

What is the point in replying to me then?

Maybe you should take action if you think someone else is in the wrong? You did.

IAmBroom 16 hours ago | parent | prev [-]

So what? She isn't replying, and he* isn't talking about her faults. The story is about his introspection and self-correction.

*Assuming poster's gender.