> Is this about other people being immature or looking to abuse us? Is this something that generally goes beyond school?

Yes to both.

Psychopaths do to everyone what everyone does to out-groups, and we're all someone else's out-group.

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akimbostrawman 4 hours ago | parent | next [-]

You really don't need to reach that far. As a man if you are too often vulnerable, too much, for the wrong reasons or at the wrong time you will loose the respect of your partner and soon after there love.

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mewpmewp2 3 hours ago | parent | next [-]

I guess that would depend on the partner? And what do you mean by vulnerability in that context that would make her lose respect?

And what do you mean by wrong times or reasons?

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zozbot234 3 hours ago | parent [-]

Most people seek emotional support, resilience and trustworthiness from their partner, and being excessively "vulnerable" can definitely hinder you from playing that role effectively. This is what can sometimes be experienced as a loss of respect. What you really want is to show a mere modicum of emotional vulnerability that your partner can then have some opportunity to empathize with, and not view you as overly brittle. But not more than that.

	▲	mewpmewp2 3 hours ago \| parent [-]
		What could be examples of excessive vulnerability?

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squigz 4 hours ago | parent | prev | next [-]

Not everyone's partner is that shallow.

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akimbostrawman 4 hours ago | parent [-]

Exceptions don't invalidate the rule. Everybody thinks there partner isn't right until they are.

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squigz 3 hours ago | parent [-]

Your experiences don't validate the rule, either.

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akimbostrawman 3 hours ago | parent [-]

Right I forgot we are on HN where we even need a scientific paper on "do women like weak vulnerable or strong confident men?" because nobody ever goes outside.

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zozbot234 3 hours ago | parent | next [-]

I bet that people who advocate for showing "vulnerability" are modeling this as a facet of strong confidence, and not opposed to it. But the thing is, if you really have reached the level of effortless confidence where that's a realistic prospect, you won't need that advice! You'll just be able to intuitively calibrate how much "vulnerability" to allow others, as a direct outcome of that strong emotional stability. Most people would probably be better off being told to be a little bit more guarded about their emotions.

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TRiG_Ireland 3 hours ago | parent | prev | next [-]

I think you're working too hard to be pithy and are therefore forgetting to actually communicate.

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mewpmewp2 3 hours ago | parent | prev | next [-]

What are some things that make a man seem vulnerable?

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squigz 3 hours ago | parent | prev [-]

Not really, it's just that most of us are adults who have experiences with healthy adult relationships. "Is my partner going to leave me if I display emotional vulnerability" is not really a concern in healthy, adult relationships.

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vintermann 2 hours ago | parent | next [-]

Differences between men and women are down to the situation.

Sometimes the long situation. When a situation has lasted a long time, it sticks, and turns into culture, gender roles.

When a situation has lasted a really long time, it sticks hard, and becomes biology.

But most of the time, it's neither culture or biology which decides what men and women do. It's the immediate situation.

And even if you think it's culture, even if you think it's biology, if you don't like how men are (or how women are) you have to start with changing the immediate situation. The others will follow - eventually.

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akimbostrawman 3 hours ago | parent | prev [-]

An actual adult realizes the real world differences between "should not" and "will not".

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squigz 3 hours ago | parent [-]

I'm not sure what this is trying to say? Can you elaborate please?

	▲	lazide 13 minutes ago \| parent [-]
		One is ‘I wish’. The other is ‘won’t happen’.

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andersonpico 4 hours ago | parent | prev [-]

divorced dad take

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akimbostrawman 3 hours ago | parent [-]

Crazy cat lady take. See I can make useless remarks too.

	▲	andersonpico 3 hours ago \| parent [-]
		your whole text above is useless for everyone but you, but I understand you can't contain how you feel about woman

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mewpmewp2 3 hours ago | parent | prev [-]

I think some concrete examples would be great. I think we need some examples of vulnerability too. Is vulnerability just about showing your actual emotional state? E.g. if you are depressed, anxious or nervous?