> Realizing that going it alone is futile is definitely part of what I consider becoming an adult

Weird, for me its the complete opposite. I accepted to live alone for the rest of my life because a) I am undesired and I wont make a move. b) I barely met people I would even consider it being worth talking to, I need to feel equal on a cognitive level and not a lot of people match that requirement. I either feel lesser or above.

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hvs 9 hours ago | parent | next [-]

You certainly don't need to have someone in your life -- as someone who married late and has two kids now I sometimes look back on my long period of begin single with fondness -- but I would also recommend being very honest with yourself. Very few people are totally undesirable and expecting others to meet some predetermined standard is very common among people that don't interact socially very often (I speak from experience). While I'm lucky that my wife is very bright (and in many ways much smarter than me) the most important thing that she has given me is new perspectives on life and seeing that it's more important to be kind and helpful than smart.

It's very hard to see outside of our early conditioning without outside perspectives. We may have a vague sense that we might not have been given the best tools for social development (we may even be brutally aware of it), but having someone that has the skills that we are missing is often more important than that they have equal skills in areas we are strong in. Having a good partner can make you realize things about yourself and open you up to things that you never even realized were there.

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zwnow 9 hours ago | parent [-]

Yea I get that. A partner would be nice but in 30 years of my life I met 2 women I liked. I am extremely self aware in that regard. I am repulsed by modern dating and dating apps and I dont get myself "out there". I also have way too high standards but I cant just ignore them. Also being chronically depressed does not really help either...

So I just accept my situation and I don't want to change my ways as I am content with how my life currently is.

	▲	anon84873628 4 hours ago \| parent [-]
		It's good you are so self aware and can accept your situation to find a level of contentment. No partner is perfect so being in a relationship requires evaluating tradeoffs and deciding where you can compromise compared to your ideal. To do otherwise or expect someone (or yourself) to change is unfair to them. Unfortunately sometimes we think we can deal with something but ultimately can't - that's part of the self discovery and vulnerability/heartbreak of relationships (because we can of course be on the receiving end too). Really you have to be willing to embrace a person's flaws and take long term joy in doing so, and also have gratitude for them doing the same. So if you know all that's not really for you, then good move on your part.

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ambicapter 8 hours ago | parent | prev | next [-]

> I need to feel equal on a cognitive level and not a lot of people match that requirement. I either feel lesser or above.

Expecting perfection out of life is definitely a road to unhappiness.

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zwnow 7 hours ago | parent [-]

Absolutely but so is settling for compromises that make you unhappy... its not easy to find balance.

	▲	butlike 5 hours ago \| parent [-]
		Roll with it, and change as necessary. Compromises don't need to be permanent; you can just leave.

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pbhjpbhj 8 hours ago | parent | prev | next [-]

What makes someone worth talking to?

If you're less [intellectual? experienced?] then you can learn and grow.

If you're above, you can foster them, teach, inspire.

These are all worthwhile. But maybe not things you want or find fulfilling?

	▲	butlike 5 hours ago \| parent \| next [-]
		The term intellect is toxic. People have, and trade, experiences
	▲	zwnow 7 hours ago \| parent \| prev [-]
		I often talk indirect because lots of things are obvious to me and dont need to be explicitly verbalized in a conversation so I am expecting my conversation partner to keep up with my pace. I know its possible because I met people that are able to do so. Although most are not. I dont talk to teach or to be taught. I value teaching and learning but regular conversations are not a place I learn from or I teach at. I've grown up with a lot of trauma and a lot of topics simply have no meaning to me, that's why I regard a lot of conversations as pointless. For me to regard a person as worth talking to it requires them to either have lived through similar trauma, be a master at some craft, have some (to me) interesting hobby or a lot of life experience to talk about. I simply dont want to talk about someone's favorite sports team or some trash tv stuff. A lot of topics are also above my head so I zone out easily.

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nradov 9 hours ago | parent | prev | next [-]

Why are you so arrogant that you feel most others aren't on your cognitive level? Most likely you're not actually as smart as you think you are.

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npinsker 9 hours ago | parent | next [-]

They said that they either feel lesser or above. (Though this might point at a different problem; I'd hope one could enjoy the company, really enjoy it, of both sets of people.)

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erfgh 9 hours ago | parent | prev | next [-]

He said that can feel either lesser or above so there's nothing arrogant about that.

	▲	butlike 5 hours ago \| parent [-]
		Not to sound like a complete asshole, but saying your special is arrogant. Imagine everyone feels like that.

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lucianbr 8 hours ago | parent | prev | next [-]

> Why are you so arrogant

Assuming they are, just for the sake of the discussion: what kind of answer do you expect to this question? You think someone who is arrogant has a theory of why they are so and are willing to share it? I would expect they are mostly blind to their own arrogance. Can be useful to point it out.

I guess it was just a rhetorical question. But it feels weird. Do you think it can possibly do anything else than create hostility?

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zwnow 9 hours ago | parent | prev [-]

Did you read until the end? I wrote I either feel lesser or above. It works both ways. Arrogance is lived experience, I met a lot of people in my lifetime.

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butlike 5 hours ago | parent | prev [-]

Your A) is a fallacy. Carefully consider that one. Fore B) You're mad projecting onto other people. I used to do this and frankly, I came across as a complete ass a lot of the time. People are super complicated and no other person can figure them out completely, let alone as quickly as you think you are.

	▲	zwnow 4 hours ago \| parent [-]
		I know that people are complicated, but to me 90% of complications do not, and will never matter. People having people problems bores me so much. I am the type of person ready to irrationally throw their life away in the blink of an eye, I guess I am looking for people like that. As an example I started tattooing myself without ever having done it before. My arms look like shit but it doesn't really matter to me, I wouldn't change a thing. Additionally, my social energy is drained very quickly. Having people around me would make me feel trapped. I am nice to every person I meet irl, it would surprise me a lot if people considered me an ass. I am the silent type. Also no. A) is not a fallacy. In 30 years I was approached once. Whenever I used dating apps I wouldn't get any matches. All I had were some charming talks with friendly women that I initiated when having a night out, but thats about it. I sit in my room all day doing stuff on my computer. Also not the most tidy person. Definitely not desirable and also not willing to change my ways.