I haven't written perl in a long time but I cannot put a finger on why I stopped using it.

It used to be my goto language for quick and dirty scripts that needed somewhat non-trivial text processing.

Anyway, this made me think of the 2008 Damian Connway Perlcon keynote:

    "Temporally Quaquaversal Virtual Nanomachine Programming in Multiple Topologically Connected Quantum-Relativistic Parallel Timespaces... Made Easy"