Or just run bare metal + garage and call it a day.

I personally prefer to just memorize the data and recite it really quickly on-demand.

Only half-joking. When something grossly underperforms, I do often legitimately just pull up calc.exe and compare the throughput to the number of employees we have × 8 kbit/sec [0], see who would win. It is uniquely depressing yet entertaining to see this outperform some applications.

[0] spherical cow type back of the envelope estimate, don't take it too seriously; assumes a very fast 200 wpm speech, 5 bytes per word, and everyone being able to independently progress

Or colocate your bare metal in two or three data centres for resilience against environmental issues and single supplier.