| ▲ | zechariahwhite 3 hours ago | |
I shove pennies up my ass and give them to the homeless. I go to the bank and get around 2000 pennies a week, (yes the tellers look at me weirdly) then when I get home I shove them all up my ass. Thats when its time to hit the convenience stores I usually run in sometimes I buy a bottle of water to mask my activity but more often than not I go straight to the take-a-penny tray and drop in 5 or 10 pennies. After that its time to give back to the homeless (I live in Oregon so theres no shortage) I drop in about 50-100 ass pennies to each cup they always thank me so kindly so im well known with this community. I do this every day of the week and my wife helps me too most of the time at the end of the week im outta of change. Heres the kicker ive been doing this for 14 years, there are 52 weeks in a year thats 104,000 pennies after 14 years this number jumps to 1,456,000 pennies if you live in the Pacific Northwest and have bought something with cash theres big odds youve held one of my ass pennies. In my entire carreer that means right now in current U.S. circulation there are over 1,450,000 mil pennies that have have been lodged in my asshole. My ass is a personal minting machine if you were to play my life at 50x speed you would see pennies flying into my ass and into the hands of the Oregon people. | ||
| ▲ | voidfunc 3 hours ago | parent | next [-] | |
Crappy riff on Ass Pennies sketch | ||
| ▲ | amypetrik8 3 hours ago | parent | prev [-] | |
I've been sticking $30 in pennies up my ass for the past 11 years. That's 3,000 pennies a day, 21,000 pennies a week, 1,092,000 pennies a year. To date, that's 12,012,000 pennies. Eight times the population of Nebraska. Those pennies were in my ass! You think you're better than me? Oh, you're not better than me. You handle my ass pennies every day. You pick up my ass pennies for good luck. You throw my ass pennies in fountains and make wishes on them. You give my ass pennies to your little daughter to buy gumballs with. You handle my ass pennies every day. All of you! YOU ALL handle my ass pennies! Oh, I'll laugh at you before you can laugh at me. Because your pennies have been in my ass. | ||