If you actually put the sentences in that article into Google translate, it things you're speaking Ilocano, which is apparently a language from the Phillipines.

Ha, you made me read that article.

Google translate is actually making an eminently reasonable guess. Filipino languages are full of transliterated Spanish loan words. The syllabic structure of the sentences, though it still looks like gibberish to me, also bear more than a passing resemblance to Filipino languages.