This is a bit surprising to hear.

So what should I have done when my parents died?

cyberpunk 10 hours ago | parent | next [-]

Ah come on that’s not what they’re talking about. Feeling a bit down — sure some upbeat music may nudge you out of it, but loss like losing people isn’t being fixed with a mixtape.

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fragmede 10 hours ago | parent | prev [-]

There is no "should". Everyone grieves differently. Whats right for GP commenter isn't necessarily right for you.

That said, what do you want to optimize for? Time spent grieving? Money spent on the funeral(s)? Money spent on therapy? Time spent in therapy? Lack of having to change as a person? Having to change as a person? Grieving "correctly"? (to reiterate from above there is no right way, but some people think if they're not doing it "right" there's something wrong with them.)

Just not killing yourself from the pain of it all in the next 5 years?

Honoring their lifes properly? Doing a good job of stepping into your new role in your family? Getting revenge for some transgression you can no longer tell them they did to you?

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lordnacho 10 hours ago | parent [-]

Maybe feeling less sad?

	▲	fragmede 8 hours ago \| parent [-]
		I'm sorry, grief is the worst. To attack the sadness directly, which is a result of chemicals in your brain, there are specific other chemicals you can add that will raise serotonin and norepinephrine and also dopamine. It's not the most sustainable solution, however. Other ways of boosting those neurotransmitters include running real hard, getting a tattoo, having sex. Processing the emotions, possibly with the help of a professional, is the recommended long term solution though. It won't bring them back, but it'll help understand the pain, and hopefully heal it.