These "anti-patterns" are just workarounds for bad language design of SQL (or lack of design actually). I'm working on a language that can run on SQL databases, so I hope it will do better with every one of these points.

If anyone wants to check out a half-done lang with lacking documentation, I'd be happy to read your feedback: https://lutra-lang.org

Hey, this looks really cool! Best wishes and I’ll try to watch out for when this is more ready