Not the angle I'm coming at it from.

I mask as a coping mechanism for ADHD and Social Anxiety. This masking causes me harm. I learned it in the way you describe.

The most helpful learning I've gotten through years of therapy has been to: (1) recognize what I'm doing (2) not beat myself up about it (3) try small steps to change my behavior so that I can feel good about it.

I'm the only person who can unlearn this for myself. I don't blame anyone who masks, and have nothing but empathy for the experience, but I'm proposing they can find a different way.

We'd need to have a rigorous definition on what it means to mask, and to agree on which behaviors should be considered masking, and which are simply being socialized, and what's necessary to exist in a society and what's not, before we could have a detailed productive conversation.

Therapy absolutely helps. Unlearning maladaptive behaviors rooted in childhood trauma is part of being a well-adjusted adult.

It takes energy to not do every impulsive thing that comes to mind. Fine, don't call it masking to not give into them. Whatever you want to call it though, it's exhausting.

What's the different way?