I just got done paying for my wedding. It was 3 years ago. Was the second one, first one was during Covid and we just went to a beach in pt. Reyes and did it for free. Having done the two, one for free w/ close friends, one w/ catering and a hotel and everything that I paid 60k for… don’t waste your money. Unless this is literally so disposable you think of the money like pocket change, it’s not worth it. My favorite photos are the beach wedding, my memories are the beach wedding. We had more fun, it was unscripted and spontaneous, I had more time with my favorite people, and I had more time with my wife to enjoy it.

If I could go back, I would save the 60k and just invest it in our home, our retirement, our savings. You don’t need a lavish party to show off, your friends don’t care. You won’t care. Skip it

I'm being invited to these sorts of weddings (albeit probably much lower key) for the first time as an adult (in 30s, since that's when it's happening these days), and it's actually seeming like an excessive cost just as a guest to put something formal together to wear. I've literally never had the occasion to wear any kind of proper suit or even anything close to formal wear until now, and it'll probably be a sudden non-trivial investment since there are a few of these lining up in the year. It's not helped by the fact that I'm not just an off-the-shelf build physically, and so while I'm grateful for the invites, it's money and stuff that I really could spend in other ways. The economy in Canada is shit rn, and if I wasn't lucky enough to have a job, I'd probably just consider declining on that basis. That plus a short domestic flight, accomodation, bachelor/bachelorette parties, etc.. it's crazy.

Earlier in the year, my lady and I were invited to the destination wedding of one of her close relatives, and simply told them no because it would have been a laughably expensive commitment that would have compromised our financial security. I get that people want to feel special or rationalize a big event, but I agree that if your family isn't shitting money or something to the point of making it trivial, it seems like kind of a silly idea.

> Unless this is literally so disposable you think of the money like pocket change, it’s not worth it.

Well yeah, spending tens of thousands of dollars on one party is insane unless you're royalty or just crazy rich. Everything about a wedding is overpriced and overhyped.

But it's one of those times when rationality is challenged by emotion and expectations that have been moulded throughout childhood.

Congrats on the free beach party wedding. That's a great idea. COVID or not.