I had a bout of poor health. And now I'm isolated and I don't know how to get reconnected to other people.

I'm not coping terribly well. I think what is most distressing is that I am observing a decline in my capacity. I feel mentally sluggish. I frustrate more easily. I tire more easily. Probably most worryingly to me I get spikes of aggression that lead to combative outbursts. I feel less empathetic, even mildly sadistic at times. Very hard to control the envy and the average person I interact with evokes envy.

Everyone in my life tells me I need to get working again (yes thank you it's obvious). Not even for the money, but just to have a purpose and structure and a social life. A common sentiment. But I've come to understand that it is backwards. Employment is secondary, and it follows from having a social network and being embedded in a social context.

Poverty alters your brain in strange ways. For an example I've been thinking about lately, the world is getting very small. I was late for an important appointment. It simply did not occur to me to take a taxi. I just don't do that anymore. It's sort of categorically ruled out as "expensive luxury". Such a difference from a few years ago! Would have ordered the taxi without even thinking.

On the plus side I quit smoking and lost a bunch of weight and I'm physically in the best shape I've ever been.

Can you volunteer? I volunteer through work, but it's a great way to meet some nice people for a few hours and do something nice.

Don't underestimate the nicotine withdrawal for making you feel crabby - I've heard that anecdote many times. The nice thing is ... that one gets better with time.

> I'm not coping terribly well. I think what is most distressing is that I am observing a decline in my capacity. I feel mentally sluggish. I frustrate more easily. I tire more easily. Probably most worryingly to me I get spikes of aggression that lead to combative outbursts. I feel less empathetic, even mildly sadistic at times. Very hard to control the envy and the average person I interact with evokes envy.

This is textbook major depressive disorder. I know you probably don't want to hear that, but you're basically describing a classic case of depressive symptoms.

> Employment is secondary, and it follows from having a social network and being embedded in a social context.

I'm sorry, but viewing these two things as connected or expecting one to follow the other isn't helpful. We all need a social life and we all need employment, but tying the two of those together isn't healthy. It's important to have a social life outside of work. It's important to have a job that isn't equivalent to your social life.

If you can I'd chat to my doctor about Adhd and trying something like concerta! I'm able to recognize many of the things you are mentionning here and had positive effects from methylphenidate.

One small step at a time. Small victories add up. Wishing you the best.

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