In my grief training, it was made pretty clear that typical grieving of a loss takes 3 to 5 years to somehow find to a new normal and start living again, and lasts forever, with phases of varying intensity. It is important to allow all the phases and encourage emotional release so it doesn’t get stuck and somatized. Stuck, unprocessed grief can kill you.

It is common for the first full year to be more in numbness and survival than in strong emotions. The psyche does not want to accept the loss so it pretends it is not real. Anniversaries and such serve as a slow and painful reminder that the person is in fact not there and will never return.

Swinging between emotional denial and waves of anger and intense pain over many years is totally normal, and should be encouraged and supported. Go with your friends into the intensity of their pain. Ask about their loss. Sit with it. Don’t say stuff like “it will pass“. They will love you for it.