Elon: buys some TSLA TSLA: wheeeee!!!! Shorts: oh sh!t, damage control now! Opinion piece writer: here, thx for the dough! NBCs and Reuters: posted, thx for the dough! HNs and Reddits: thx for engagement!

Nothing newsworthy has actually happened, we're just feeding the trolls in shorts, and sending the clicks to justify the dough.