> "Am I using the correct language runtime distribution (or version thereof) so I don't get into legal trouble?" Is a question none of Java's competitors have to ask.

Umm..sorry, but this is just sheer nonsense. There are many commercial Python distributions like ActiveState ActivePython, Anaconda Enterprise, etc that you need to pay for.

If you download and use their prebuilt ActivePython installer without a proper license in a commercial setting, you’re breaching a contract and will get into legal trouble.

> This is a problem/risk I don't have to worry about with any other language,

No, you most certainly DO have to worry about this in many other languages which offer commercial support offerings. (Python/C++/Perl/NodeJS,etc)

> Even using OpenJDK is a sword of damocles waiting to fall.

Just a plain, bald-faced lie.