On a related note: WHY does the stock calculator and clock apps on my Google Pixel phone even have a fucking privacy policy?

I don't find this particularly egregious - Google has long required ALL apps on the Android store to provide a privacy policy, even if they collect no data whatsoever.

A privacy policy can help confirm the absence of data collection as much as it can also be used to explain how collected data (if any) is used. If anything it's a helpful change, as it provides a standardized way for apps to confirm they collect no data.

Any app submitted to the iOS store has the same requirement to provide a privacy policy too, and again even if no data is collected.