I'm sure I sound like and ass, but if astrophotography is the only thing tying you to your phone, why not gear for that?

Nah, not an ass. Just not up to speed yet.

Using traditional cameras (repurposed DLSRs or fancy webcams like ZWO). There is a significant hurdle, of expense, learning how to use them, and setting them up. A Pixel makes sky-wide astrophotography trivially easy with almost no setup required. Depending on how stable the camera mount is, the pixel will allow me to start over on the novice side of the scale. I've been able to take handheld pictures of the Aurora and other large sky images, such as lightning in twilight thunderstorms. If I can rest the camera somewhere stable, I can take longer exposures and even create a time-lapse of the night sky.

There's a lot to be said for pulling your phone out of your pocket and taking pictures of the sky.