I wonder what percentage of our feelings on the spectrum of “ok yeah makes sense” vs “omg how could this happen” is even based on the actual marriage.

GP’s comment vs yours mirror my brother’s reaction vs my reaction when our parents divorced. Same divorce, completely different feelings about it.

Research suggests there is a big difference between how children experience divorce between high-functioning and low-functioning families - children from high-functioning families often experience parental divorce as traumatic, children from low-functioning families often experience it as a relief from ongoing traumatisation

Even within the same family, both divorce and dysfunction can be experienced very differently due to differences in each child’s individual psychology and also family dynamics (sometimes one child is made to bear the brunt of the dysfunction much more than the others-the “black sheep” versus the “golden child”)