Thank you, this is very amusing.

"Backhanded Shoe Polish": https://anycrap.shop/product/backhanded-shoe-polish

"Gold-Handled Vegetable Peel Laminator": https://anycrap.shop/product/gold-handled-vegetable-peel-lam...

"Pink Unicorn Slippers": https://anycrap.shop/product/pink-unicorn-slippers

(The $269 price was a bit of a surprise, but that must be explained by the built-in sound system.)