> all the Ohio sucks memes are part of a concerted effort to convince people it's terrible here and they shouldn't come.

This is completely true. Speaking of, I can connect you with a number of long-term Ohio residents who would be willing to execute a sale-leaseback agreement that expires when their youngest kid graduates high school. For a fee, since you’d be getting such a great deal and early access to prime real estate. I can even get you hundreds of acres of prime farmland, if your budget stretches that far. Let me know!