This is the hardest part of dealing with a chronic complainer: they think they are the only one "noticing a fire" and "getting sidelined" for raising flags.

Often there isn't actually a fire, they're complaining about trivialities. Everybody already knows about the fire because they've complaining about at every meeting for three months. Or the thing they are complaining about can't be changed. They're actually getting sidelined because they interrupt company allhands to ask the CEO irrelevant questions, wasting the time of 50 people and no one likes them anymore.

I view dealing with chronic complainers as mentoring them to stop self-sabotaging themselves.

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palata 3 days ago | parent [-]

Sometimes I find that there is a question of preferences. Take 3 architects, they will come up with 3 different architectures. There is "style" in architecture. Some people will complain because the chosen architecture is not their preferred one, and they see everything that is not their preferred choice as "bad".

I feel like establishing a hierarchy may make sense here: "This person is the architect, you are not. You may disagree and make technical arguments to them, but at the end of the day, they take the decision and you have to follow it". Of course it means that the architect has to actually listen to the technical arguments, and not go "I'm the architect, I'm better, just shut up".

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jacquesm 3 days ago | parent | next [-]

I think it is really hard for certain people to admit that there are multiple ways that lead to the goal and that those other ways (not their preferred ones) are probably just as valid. And when the choice is made not to take their preferred way they turn into net negatives because now they are going to prove their way was better by sabotaging the alternative. This can wreck projects quite handily.

The best managers build consensus and try to avoid people digging in behind 'their' solutions. This is hard work.

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Ensorceled 3 days ago | parent [-]

This is one of the hardest things to teach new developers doing code reviews: your way isn't better, it's just different. And, sometimes it may be somewhat better but not worth changing for working code. This is especially true when talking about clarity vs succinct.

	▲	jacquesm 3 days ago \| parent [-]
		> This is especially true when talking about clarity vs succinct. Don't get me started on that one. And its close cousin, correctness vs speed.

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Ensorceled 3 days ago | parent | prev [-]

I have a lot of patience for disagreements and alternative solutions. But at some point you need to "support the group" and not re-litigate at every opportunity.

I see that as the difference and when it becomes complaining and toxic.