One of the problems with their "better / worse" statistics: Bad interactions tend to outweigh good interactions. I think the rule of thumb is that 4:1 good/bad ratio in a relationship is "breakeven" where the relationship will stay neutral; higher than that and things get better, lower than that and things go south.

So if you could talk to a stranger, and there's only a 20% chance you'll feel worse, a lot of people would still not consider it worth the risk.

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hitekker 7 days ago | parent | next [-]

Absolutely true.

Another angle that goes unmentioned: "the more you know someone, the less you like them."

Most strangers in 30 minutes won't show off their ugly side. It takes a lot longer for those rough edges to come out, and for the really bad parts to surface in human relationships.

For some people, we can look past that. For most others, our interactions would not be so positive.

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gwd 7 days ago | parent [-]

> "the more you know someone, the less you like them."

That is completely the opposite of my experience. Even the handful of people who, after I got to know them, turned out to be unprincipled or toxic, I actually liked them as people and were kind of sad that they were the way they were. Their negative qualities were a mar on the their individual beauty.

There are certainly people in whom, after a relatively brief interaction, I didn't manage to see anything I liked. But I can't think of a single person whom, after seeing something to like, thereafter didn't see anything to like. Their ugly side may have made me want to avoid interacting with them as a whole, but it never completely eclipsed their good side.

For me, nearly all negative interactions come from not being able to get past various masks to see the interesting part of them or vice versa.

	▲	hitekker 7 days ago \| parent [-]
		> Their ugly side may have made me want to avoid interacting with them as a whole For me, that means "dislike" or "not like". When I see a part of them is not good for me, I can say I don't like that part. When that part underlies the rest of them, then I wouldn't like them very much and I'd want to keep my distance. It's human nature. Not a judgement but a preference. You may be speaking instead about "love" which I would agree more with as a child of God. Love the person I dislike as a fellow person, because of a true beauty in them that may not be because of them[1]. I think that can also work without religion in select cases: my mom knows my sister and she doesn't like my sister, but my mom still loves her all the same. [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Infused_righteousness

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eggbrain 7 days ago | parent | prev | next [-]

There's also the magnitude of a negative interaction as well to consider.

If I have 99 great interactions with someone, but one REALLY bad interaction (they insult me deeply, or say something irredeemable), that can also sour the whole relationship.

It would be interesting to research commonalities amongst bad interactions -- are there patterns that emerge from certain personality types, politics, etc? What about a few "sour" people that will take any interaction and make it bad regardless of matchup -- if we removed them from the interaction pool, do the stats suddenly adjust quickly?

In my mind this would have big implications for social media sites -- not that all bad interactions need to be quelled, but if you are trying to keep conversations civil, attempt to implement X strategy or Y strategy.

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a5c11 7 days ago | parent | prev | next [-]

Yes, we tend to remember negative experiences better than the good ones. Also, we all are so low on good emotions, we don't want to risk losing them to random strangers.

	▲	nakedneuron 7 days ago \| parent [-]
		This hits deep.

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RataNova 7 days ago | parent | prev | next [-]

Makes me think the real challenge isn't just encouraging people to talk to strangers, but designing situations where the expected value of those conversations skews heavily positive

	▲	dpkirchner 7 days ago \| parent [-]
		I do most of my stranger-talking at niche events like board games down at the maker space or at cons. This definitely skews the results.

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namuol 7 days ago | parent | prev [-]

I think it depends on what you’re used to. If you’re in an abusive relationship or socially isolated, a single positive social interaction can feel like a breakthrough.

	▲	netmansion 7 days ago \| parent [-]
		I would argue that a negative social interaction would feel exponentially more harmful at a time like you describe, in which you're already feeling generally unsafe or insecure. My fear of others is always so much worse when I am hurting for some positive feedback from the world.