So the miners safeguard your money (hopefully), they are also responsible for actually transmitting your money (hopefully), and you don't take any deposits or make loans to customers.

You don't hold your own money, you don't manage transferring your own money, you basically don't do any of the things a bank does. How does that make you your own bank exactly?

Miners are not "responsible" for transmitting my money, that's on me, and I incentivize them. I'm also a miner btw. As I'm my own bank, and nobody elses, I obviously don't take deposits or make loans. I couldn't make "loans" as banks do anyway, as bank loans generate new money, and that's the main reason why I bitcoin. What's coming next, I don't wash cartel money, so I'm not a bank?