I talk about the testing a bit here[0].

YouTube was actually the most helpful thing in getting me to the point where I felt testing for a diagnosis would be a good idea. There are a lot of channels out there from people who have this stuff who talk about their experiences. I found this much more helpful than reading the diagnostic criteria. While I did read the section of the DSM on ASD, I had to pair that with ChatGPT to ask for example of how this stuff presents in actual life. People on YouTube were a good source of seeing what people deal with and getting these real world examples of how things present, and I saw a lot of alignment to what they were talking about in my own life.

I'm scored pretty high in masking (hiding what's going on), so it's not something others usually pick up on me. Having ASD and ADHD, they can kind of help compensate for each other, so that can also lead to things hiding a bit to the outside world. I talked to a therapist for 2 years before this was even on my radar. I mentioned the possibility to him, and he was like... I don't see it, and then didn't seem to want to talk about it anymore. He was big into just blaming my dad for nearly everything. However, during several of our sessions over those 2 years we'd have a disagreement, where I'd try to explain what I'm feeling and he'd be like, "no, it's this." I'd tell him he wasn't understanding and try to explain further, and he just wouldn't get it. Back and forth for 30+ minutes. It was infuriating. Then as I was watching some of these videos that talked about neurotypical introverts vs autistic people, they basically said the introverts thought the way the therapist did, while people with autism tend to think the way I was arguing. So that's why he wasn't understanding me; he had the wrong framework for understanding the problem. There were many such examples like this in talking to him, but also throughout my whole life.

In terms of management, I haven't done much yet. I think I'm still in the period of processing it and finding it nice to take a break from searching for what the problem is after decades of looking. I feel like when I look at the typical advice, it's a lot of stuff I've already tried over the years from reading various books or taking various courses. I have a theory that the entire self-help genre is being fueled by people with undiagnosed ASD and ADHD. I quit therapy with the person I was seeing the day before getting my results. If I had it, he didn't seem like he could help me with it after brushing it aside for 6 months while I waiting for testing. If I didn't have it, I didn't feel like I was getting any value out of the sessions at all, so it was pointless. The places that did the testing said they had therapists, who would probably be better, but when I emailed the person she didn't reply back. I never followed up, so that's probably on me.

I haven't tried any meds for the ADHD, I'd have to talk to doctors about that. I'm on the fence on the whole idea. I've made it this far without them. I've also worked with people while they were trying to get their meds dialed in, and it was a nightmare. There are some valid arguments on both sides.

For the ASD there are no meds, as far as I understand. I probably need to force myself to go out into the world more. The pandemic really gave me an excuse to be alone all the time and 5 years later I haven't really stopped. I feel like it's making it worse, because I'm more out of practice of how to be around people.

[0] https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=44745215

> I haven't tried any meds for the ADHD, I'd have to talk to doctors about that. I'm on the fence on the whole idea. I've made it this far without them.

One of the nice things about medication for ADHD, and I've mentioned this to a few people who are new to having (or supporting people who have) ADHD, is that the medication is very straightforward and you get roughly instant feedback.

That is to say that, if you compare to something like SSRIs for treating depression, you get a medication and a dose picked out, you start on the medication, you get awful side effects for weeks, and then maybe after a few weeks you start to see some benefits. Then again, maybe you don't, so you spend a few weeks tapering off so that you can try some other medicine, etc and see if that has any benefit.

With ADHD medicines just being (mostly) short-acting stimulants, in a lot of cases people can get a prescription, take one dose, and find out within an hour or two if it's making a difference. There can definitely be side effects and getting the right medication and dosage can be a lot of work, but being able to take a medication at 8 AM and be feeling the effects before noon is amazing - and having them wear off by the evening is also amazing. You don't have to struggle with juggling your brain chemistry for weeks just to see if anything happens, and you don't have to spend weeks undoing that to be clear of it; you can start and stop in a day.

> For the ASD there are no meds, as far as I understand.

Well, because ASD isn't a disease or a condition, it's a difference in how (and how much) you perceive the world.

> I probably need to force myself to go out into the world more. The pandemic really gave me an excuse to be alone all the time and 5 years later I haven't really stopped. I feel like it's making it worse, because I'm more out of practice of how to be around people.

This is true for me as well, to some extent, but I've also gotten to the point where I don't really care that much about masking or fitting in any more than necessary. I'm open about being neurodivergent, I'm not afraid to discuss it, and thankfully I'm in an industry where a lot of people are the same way - diagnosed or not - and at least kind of get it to some degree. Still important to not just be "outright weird" as some autistic people can be, so I'm not going to start telling our lead marketing strategist about the human leather and organ trading outpost I set up in Rimworld, but being open about it has made it a lot more relaxing to be around other people.

Maybe part of that is getting rid of the "what if they think I'm weird?" worry after realizing that eventually they're going to think I'm weird regardless and I just have to be sure to come across as "harmless weird" and not come across as "stranger danger weird".