Statically link a binary with musl, and it'll work on the vast majority of systems.

> they're not worrying about what audio subsystem you installed

Some software solves this by autodetecting an appropriate backend, but also, if you use alsa, modern audio systems will intercept that automatically.

> what side of the systemd turf war your distro landed on

Most software shouldn't need to care, but to the extent it does, these days there's systemd and there's "too idiosyncratic to support and unlikely to be a customer". Every major distro picked the former.

> or which of three (four? five?) popular desktop environments you installed

Again, most software shouldn't care. And `curl|bash` doesn't make this any easier.

> or whether your `/dev` directory is fully-populated

You can generally assume the devices you need exist, unless you're loading custom modules, in which case it's the job of your modules to provide the requisite metadata so that this works automatically.