In other news: a group of scientists announced today the results of their recent study, where they conclude that drowning is not caused by a lack of swimming, but instead seems to be due to water. Other scientists have refuted the claim and point out defects in the study criteria. In response, US officials have pulled funding from the National Science Foundation for any further studies into the causes of drowning, calling any claim of drowning that doesn't end with the sentence "the will of God" as unpatriotic.