> Or do something like have the braking come on gently at first then harder.

You can do this by letting go of gas pedal slowly. I have "current amount of fuel used" info in my car (liters/100km), it shows pretty clearly, that when going fast and slowly letting go of gas, amount of fuels slowly goes to 0. If I let go of gas fast, the engine is intelligent enough to not close throttle as fast as possible, still probably takes 1 second.

> More modern engines have electronically controlled throttle plates, and this is definitely somewhere you could do something clever like you suggest - cutting fuel flow but also maximising airflow when there is zero throttle input.

They cut fuel flow and close throttle plate almost completely but still allow some small amount of air, in order to actually do engine braking. If you need to coast, you can apply clutch in manual. Don't know that much about automatic, but from what I've driven, they use "lift gas" as a "engine braking" signal, so probably they can't really coast that good.