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milesrout 2 days ago

[flagged]

grepLeigh 2 days ago | parent | next [-]

"Give yourself permission" here means acknowledging you're doing a "good enough" job (for now) instead of a "perfect" job, and not beating yourself up about it in the short term. The Wiki article on self-compassion [1] has more context on the therapeutic value of practicing self-compassion and the impact on measurements of life satisfaction/happiness, curiosity, resilience, etc.

Depending on the task/behavior, you may carry the same attitude into the medium/long term, OR figure out how to course-correct medium/long term to align with your values. E.g., if one of your core values is militant conservation of water, either because it's expensive or one of the disappearing resources on Earth, you might strategize ways to conserve your energy to do the best possible dishwasher-loading job every day. That's what I was getting at when I said these type of tasks are "microcosms" because sometimes they reveal misalignment of values.

Why do you say "therapist" here (with the air quotes)?

[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-compassion

milesrout 2 days ago | parent [-]

[flagged]

amanaplanacanal 2 days ago | parent [-]

You are being incredibly judgemental about people you don't even know.

milesrout a day ago | parent [-]

You say that like it is a bad thing.

nullstyle a day ago | parent [-]

It is, dude with the award for most cowardly hacker news behavior.

milesrout a day ago | parent [-]

Cowardly?????

ipsento606 2 days ago | parent | prev | next [-]

> This is lazy and wasteful.

Modern dishwashers are incredibly efficient. They consume insignificant amounts of power and water compared to heating or cooling your home, or taking an extra shower.

Your opinions are your own, but I don't have the slightest hesitation in running an extra dishwasher cycle if it makes my life the slightest bit easier.

milesrout 2 days ago | parent [-]

I remind you of what I was replying to.

>Her therapist said not to rinse the dishes & just run the dishwasher twice, even three times if that’s what it took to get them clean. It was a game-changer for her, one that enabled her to do a small task in an imperfect way just to get it done.

This is not about efficiency of the use of the earth's resources. It is about the modern-day priests of America (therapists) telling people that it is okay and good to simply put no effort into anything. That it is acceptable to "struggle to wash dishes" Instead of this person being checked into a mental hospital, instead they are given a coping strategy.

What next? Not doing well in school? Don't worry about it, just use AI to cheat! Not making enough money? Just steal, what's the big deal? Don't beat yourself up, you don't have to be perfect, just get through the day with all your fucking spoons.

xvokcarts 2 days ago | parent | prev [-]

One shouldn't ever be anxious about such things as being wasteful. Mindful, sure, but not anxious - being anxious about such things is actually a pretty good reason for therapy.

9dev 2 days ago | parent [-]

That’s not what they said. Don’t be anxious about being wasteful, don’t be wasteful! It’s not some lofty goal or something, but a part of growing up and being a responsible adult.

em-bee 2 days ago | parent | next [-]

yes, but if trying not to be wasteful creates an anxiety, then you need to treat the anxiety first. in that case giving yourself permission to be wasteful is what matters, and responding to that by telling to person not to be wasteful is counterproductive.

9dev 2 days ago | parent [-]

No, that’s just the wrong way to think about it. It’s something that needs doing, so you do it. Are you anxious about going to the toilet? You’re not. You do it as it’s necessary.

Sometimes it helps to stop thinking and start doing. I’ve been there. It takes practice.

tgaj a day ago | parent [-]

There are people that are anxious about going to the public toilet so I would say your argument is invalid.

AStonesThrow 2 days ago | parent | prev [-]

Speaking of wastefulness and dishwashers, I rent an apartment which does not include a dishwasher. In fact, no apartment I've ever rented included a dishwasher, although many have included a clothes washer and dryer installed.

My kitchen does include a garbage disposal, which is a nuisance, because even though my ex-girlfriend called it "dispose-all", it disposes of nothing, except it effectively annoys 10-30 neighbor families if you manage to clog up the lateral drainpipes, and I don't rely on it to chew up food or any solid waste at all. The only reason I activate it is because it speeds up the draining of water in the dual sink. And also because, if I don't run it on a weekly basis, the motor will seize up in a way that requires a maintenance call, and you don't want to call in maintenance.

Anyway, I wash my dishes by hand, and the bane of my existence is dirty dishes in the kitchen sink when I'm quite hungry and it's 7am and I just want to get breakfast started, but the sink isn't clear and everything I need is dirty, and needs soaking time before the residue will budge, and so I end up punting and ordering delivery anyway.

Washing dishes is a pipeline, a process, that can take 2 hours, or it can last 12 hours, or it can take 3 days to complete. I often don't get around to that magnificent endgame of putting away the dishes but I leave them in the drying-rack until I need them again. It's like my "L2 Cache" for kitchenware, that drying rack. And guess what, when I go to wash dishes again, I often discover there's no room in the rack, and I rip out my hair a little bit and I stop washing the dishes long enough to empty the rack, and then I'm exhausted and I go to lie down in bed instead of washing dishes, or starting dinner, and guess who's ordering delivery again?

So one of the sanity-preserving hacks I've developed is using paper plates, paper bowls, plastic cold cups, and plastic flatware. And this works great for cold cereal, and the raw eggs I drink, and microwaved frozen meals that I can plop into a bowl or put on a plate in order to cut them into pieces.

And I thought that cloth napkins and dish towels were cool, because I was Saving the Earth, and for a couple of years I owned not a single roll of paper towels; I used cloth napkins and I laundered them, and now I use both, and if something is going to stain my precious cloth, then I use paper towels or a disposable sponge on it first.

And they called me "wasteful" for using disposable kitchenware, but in reality I only own a single tablepspoon and a single teaspoon. I own about 3 forks, and 2 butter knives. I recently purchased a set of 4 identical steak knives, because a good sharp knife to cut meats is essential. But most of my flatware is disposable, including semi-disposable chopsticks (set of 8 for about $4).

And guess what? None of the delivery services include plasticware anymore. None of the restaurants tuck it into your bag. They used to give you, like, a packaged knife-fork-spoon-napkin-salt-pepper, sealed in cellophane. Then COVID-19 happened, and plasticware is a cost center, and restaurants hate delivery services for many reasons, and no restaurant carries knives, even plastic butter knives. They are still usually sending me plastic straws, but I nevertheless keep on hand a stock of plastic bendy-straws to use with every beverage.

So basically whether I order delivery or I make food at home, my plasticware suffices, and yeah, it's wasteful and I do not wash or rinse or reuse any of them, and I don't really care, because it is a sanity-preserving strategy that works quite well, because it is much easier to just tuck into a meal when I have flatware ready to use.

milesrout 2 days ago | parent [-]

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a day ago | parent [-]
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