> I didn't progress fast enough to the style of companies that deal with high load, and other mambo-jumbo tech.

To clarify, you blame “not being a good enough software engineer” on working for the wrong companies?

I don't know how to express it correctly. But yes, sort of. I didn't work in high-load-kafka-like companies, so I'm kind of stuck in my mid level company types that do relatively simple things.