Edit: The most, most important thing is to understand who your child is. That won't be who you are or wish you were, nor is it entirely likely to be who you want them to be.

As you both understand, because the person they become is a journey, maximize that person! If you get that done and keep their life choices and agency intact, you will have done very good by them.

The most important thing is to discuss appropriate expectations and then set them.

When your child meets those expectations make damn sure it matters.

When your child does not meet expectations reasonably and appropriately set, find out why first and foremost.

Make sure you are helping them where they need it most and you are not getting in the way when they need that in their lives.

From there, wash, rinse and repeat!

Ideally, this is a life long conversation they come to value as you become mentor, friend, helper as they grow to take on the reigns of their lives.

I did it this way and am pretty happy with the outcomes. I wish some things had gone differently, but I can also say I went to the mat helping to prevent it.

My own experiences growing up were why I run it this way, and I get to do it twice due to raising my granddaughter! She is great and I am actually quite happy she is with us. A bit sad we won't have the time we want, but we believe we will get the time we need.

My learning was out of sync with a lot of my primary education. Some things were a real struggle too. The whole thing was colored by poorly set expectations I quickly came to ignore and obviously not meet.

Looking back, the ones I met were because I wanted to. The reasons were interest, could see value or how I might use the material, or threat of negative consequences.

"Worth it" came up a lot.

Memorize all the multiplication tables through 12x12 or fix that old TV I have been poking at? My school actually sent me to the TV shop across the street! Amazingly, I learned a ton. It was something I really needed and benefitted huge from.

The multiplication tables worked out. Really needed them a year or so later and it got done.

Write the essay, or finish that sprite multiplexer? No brainer, write assembly code, do magic? Home computers were amazing and some essay on some tepid topic was torture when I could see something about how to make that computer do something.

Learn to fix my car, or take the bus to school for a while again. No brainer! Fix the car, do some work, get cash for parts!

One parent understood me. The other was painful. I had an uncle and other adults familiar to our family there to help mentor me, tease out the good stuff and make sure I was making good use of all that.