They're all threats until I walk up to them and actively volunteer. Then it's all "i swear i'm not gay i'm required to touch you near your groin."

The amount of agents who act like that and then start to get shy when you smile and go through with a patdown is pretty comical.

I once had the unusual luck of being patted down by a young attractive trainee woman in sweden. They also made her to re-do it because she hadn't done it properly apparently (she had actually touched waaaaaay more than usual).